Burnout/depression cont.

Here are some words I wrote towards the end of the year last year. Maybe even in early January. Still trying to get out of this burnout I’ve been in. This seems to help. It’s so strange to really not be able to feel much, when a couple months ago I was feeling so much and so intensely. It’s still so strange to feel the cycles because the perception shift. It’s a total different lense, which everyone experiences on some level it’s just so strange still how quick and drastic they can come. I’m currently wondering how the hell I’m gonna make it through another 2 years of graduate school then somehow keep a consistent practice of some sort. It’s seems like God wants me to start a holistic spiritual healing center and I have no idea how I could ever keep consistent enough to do that. Especially when the longest job I’ve kept has been like a year and half. But things are better and keep changing.  I don’t have Bipolar so severe I can’t function like some, but I have it enough where the work I find meaningful to do is still a pretty difficult challenge. Anyway, here’s those words:

Oh the pain.. we must drain the pain.. bleed it out to let love reign.. Feels insane, unsafe, untamed, never meant to be unbridled hate. Dark yearns for light just the same. Learn to see beneath the screams and dreams of lost lonely souls shoved down and tortured like the holy ghost of Christmas Past last year to this year and forever future now lying to save face earn grace and hope the illusion holds cause the flame has lost its glow and it’s so cold sold to empty fake frauds gaudy haughty products of the naughty and nice list shattered by an iron grip.. I hope to God we learn to remember what we used to know.. – thoughts from old soul