Lycanthropy (repost)

Hey, so a couple posts ago I stated that I would repost some words that I had deleted. I said I wanted to redeem what many refer to as a “highlight reel” of social media that tends to display only the good parts of one’s life. However, I admitedly tend to overcompenstate in that pendulum swing and hardly show the fun, happy moments of my life. So, I decided to delete that post and post some more positive posts in it’s place. The truth, however, is that up until very recently it wasn’t too often that I was truly able to enjoy friendships or family time, and it was through my decision to expose as much as my struggle to people and God that I was able to grow and be affirmed in who I was, where I was at, in those moments that I am now able to enjoy social interactions in person, and truly have joy again, as I described in my last post. To me, God wants us to be in good, joyful community where we celebrate who we are as people and are able to support each other through the struggle of letting that inner True Self show again (or as others might say, becoming more like Christ.)

So I would still like to reshare my two sets of words that I took off because they contain my struggle of becoming who I truly am, and it seemed that some people may have connected with that, and that’s so exciting and affirming to me. So, here is one of them called Lycanthropy that I wrote last summer when I realized my mood can sometimes be affected by the lunar cycles and seasons, especially when I have been eating very clean and am very spiritually clean as well. When I realized this, I thought it was really funny, because it occured to me I’m like a werewolf. So I Googled “werewolf” and the term “lycanthropy” came up. Turns out it is a term in folk tales that describes someone turing into a werewolf, which then reminded me of a +44 song called “Lycanthrope,” which listening to reminded me of HS when I was dating a girl and I realized most of my memories include snow on the ground, which explains a lot of depressed mood! Anyway, there’s a lot more to this set of words, but I’d rather let it speak to you. If you are interested in any of the references in the content, let me know in the comments or send me an email! Thanks for reading!

(extra note: +44 is the band Mark Hoppus and Travis Barker started after Blink 182 broke up. “Lycanthrope” is embedded at the bottom if you’d like to listen)

lycanthropy. the Mystery. when the moon wanes and waxes til empty. visceral. i see the tides i hide behind. get tired of cracking lenses. get tired of making friends with, enemies. yes this is the life to me. but why so serious? joy twisted with tragedy. cant love or live without taking a risk. without jumping off a cliff, without believing poetry, screaming violently, tearing at skin sleeves and mind reams with dreams of highlights and skylights, the city so esteemed.  i miss the rain. the hot rain in the south. its too good here. good hurts. u crazy. its too safe, secure. somethings gonna leave me. dont act like u dont know what. think. sand beneath the feet. only stays on the beach. # hey theres a tweet. except its also at the bottom of the ocean. gettin drowned under thousands of pounds. all the way down. til there is no sound to be heard above the surface. no secret crowds. no air allowed. but oxygen tanks. shit. I’m sick of it. ..consumed. gotta get it need this to fill that. im all outta whack, cant feel nothing, mindhacked like a macbook. hooked up and cooked up like a slab of meat to eat with a little treat. take another trip to the store. buy another pint of ice cream. buy some more fake sweet drink. drink it up fool. americone dream. wake up you’re asleep. i was talkin about me.